readbetweenthelines.

i bet you never guessed this.

I woke up the next morning to the sound of my phone going off. It buzzed. I was expecting it to be a text from Jane or something, but surprisingly it was a phone call. The caller ID said ‘brian’. I was confused. Brian was still laying next to me, fast asleep. I glanced over at his phone to make sure he hadn’t rolled over onto his phone and pushed a button while sleeping or something. Nope. His phone was off. I was totally confused, but then I realized that I had still left my brother’s phone number programmed into my phone after all of this time. 2 years and I still hadn’t let go. Wow. Assuming that someone had Brian’s old number now, I decided to answer the phone and tell said person that they had the wrong number. ‘Hello?’ I whispered, as I sat up and patted down my hair, trying to be quiet and not wake Brian, who was apparently snoring next to me. ‘Anne?’ the voice on the other line asked. I immediately dropped my phone onto the bed.

As soon as I gathered myself, I picked up the phone again. Surprisingly, the person hadn’t hung up. ‘Anne, are you there?’ the voice asked. ‘Who is this?’ I questioned, my heart raced and my voice trembled. ‘Please don’t tell me you’ve already forgotten about me, Anne. Please. You can’t have forgotten. You just can’t. Anne, please.’ ‘Br-Bri-Brian?’ I stammered. ‘No, it can’t be you! You’re, you’re- dead!’ At this point I was in the hallway, collapsed on the floor, as tears started streaming down my cheeks. ‘Look, Anne. I-..I, this is so hard for me to do. I can’t believe what I did. But you have to believe me, okay?’ ‘You’re DEAD!’ I practically screamed. ‘You were killed in an accident 2 years ago! This isn’t happening! I’m dreaming! What is going on? You were in a car accident and the wreck was so bad that they didn’t even find your b- oh my god. OH MY GOD.’ ‘Anniecakes, just ca-’ ‘What did you just call me?’ My heart stopped beating for at least 3 seconds. The only person who knew this nickname was my brother. He was the only one who called me that. ‘Look, Annie, you need to calm down, ple-’ ‘Calm down? You want me to calm down? You expect me to CALM DOWN after ALL THAT YOU’VE PUT ME THROUGH? MY BROTHER WHO I THOUGHT WAS DEAD IS APPARENTLY OUT THERE AND ALIVE AND YOU WANT ME TO BE CALM?’ ‘Anne, please. Please. Just listen. I don’t know where you are right now. But you need to come home. Please. I’m not saying what I did was right. But I need you. Please,.’ His voice faded off, and the blood pounded inside of my ears. ‘Okay,’ I whispered. And I hung up the phone.

Instinct took over, and without even saying goodbye to Brian my boyfriend, I was running out the door. I threw on clothes and packed a bag of the only things that came to mind as a necessity. Two more sets of clothes, my phone and charger, and money. At the last minute, I threw my guitar into its case and brought it along as well. Within 15 minutes, I was at the train station. ‘I need a one way ticket to Chicago, please,’ I said, as composed as possible. My hair was everywhere, I was in clothes that hadn’t been washed in days, and my eyes were completely bloodshot. The man selling tickets didn’t even bother questioning me and let me buy a ticket and board the train. The train remained stationary, but my thoughts were everywhere. What had just happened? What was I doing? Was this some sort of joke? The train began to move, and my thoughts faded off. I slowly drifted to sleep.

Once again, I was awakened by my phone, buzzing at my side. ‘Anne, where the hell are you?’  The number wasn’t registered in my phone, but I recognized this voice as the Brian I had left laying naked in my bed. Reality snapped back to me when I realized that I hadn’t even told him I had left, and my parents were coming home in 2 days. ‘Brian, I’m so so sorry. Something came up. I promise you that I’ll let you know what’s going on as soon as I figure things out, okay?’ ‘Anne. No playing games. I’m at the train station, in a vneck and my frigging boxers calling you from the payphone. I followed your muddy footprints here. Now, what is going on?!’ ‘I, I…I’m on my way to Chicago, Brian. It’s something, something with my brother.’ ‘Anne, your brother is dead…’ I sniffled. ‘Anne, are you alright?’ The tears in my throat were obvious. ‘No, Brian. I’m not alright. But I promise you that I’m not mad at you or anything. This isn’t your fault. So please, please don’t do anything stupid. I love you, okay?’ He sighed. I could sense his confusion. ‘Okay. I love you too, Anne.’ And with that, I heard him hang up. The dial tones began. Despite the fact that my mind was racing, I still managed to fall asleep again.

A total of 51 hours since I had left later, the train pulled into Chicago. Funny how I remembered my exact way around. Sooner or later, I managed to wind up at the location Brian had told me that he would be. I couldn’t believe that I was actually here. I couldn’t believe it even more when I saw him. He was sitting on the front steps of an apartment. He was in a hoodie and skinny jeans. Seeing his face, even from afar, made me realize how much time had really passed. There was no doubt about it; it was my brother. But he obviously looked older. Hell, his birthday was roughly 2 weeks from today. He was going to be 19. He had a face that made him look more mature, but still like the kid he was before. I almost began to cry as I thought of how different he might be now. I stood standing back, just watching him and thinking. Of course, I began to cry. About 5 minutes later, Brian noticed that I was there. ‘Anne?’ he asked. I didn’t respond. I just looked at him. ‘ANNE!’  he cried out, as he began racing towards me. He scooped me off my feet into the biggest hug. For awhile, I hugged him, and I never wanted to let go. Tears streamed down my face and stained his hoodie a darker color from the moisture of my sobbing. After awhile, my relief and happiness and confusion melted into anger, and I pushed him away from me, and then started to hit and punch him. ‘HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?!’ I started. ‘Look, Anne. I can explain, ple-’ ‘DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT I’VE FUCKING BEEN THROUGH?’ ‘I can imag-’ ‘NO YOU CAN’T, BRIAN. YOU HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA. DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU’VE MISSED WHILE YOU WERE GONE? WE MOVED TO MARYLAND. I HAVE A BOYFRIEND NOW. I TURNED 16 2 DAYS AGO. I JUST SPENT 51 FUCKING HOURS ON A FUCKING TRAIN TO COME AND SEE YOU, AND FIND OUT THAT YOU’VE REALLY BEEN ALIVE THIS WHOLE TIME. AFTER ALL THAT YOU PUT ME THROUGH.’ I collapsed to the ground, the tears came like a crashing dam, and I laid my face in my hands. Brian was immediately on the ground with his arms around me. ‘Anne, please. Just give me a chance to explain!’ ‘No,’ I sobbed, shaking. ‘You don’t deserve a chance. I don’t care anymore. Don’t you see you’ve already done enough damage to me? I’m going home.’ ‘Anne, you are home.’ ‘No, Brian. I’m going back to Maryland. It’s where I belong now. I’ve got friends there now. And a boyfriend. A new Brian. To replace you.’ That last statement was the biggest punch in the gut ever for him. I didn’t know whether I meant these words or not. He remained standing there as I walked back towards the train. What was I doing? The world started spinning in front of me, and I crashed to the ground. Blacked out. On the pavement.

I woke up in a room that I had never seen before. I was on a couch, looking out a window to a fantastic view of the lake. What I had been missing for two years. The blood began pounding in my head. It throbbed. I moaned. I heard someone rush over. ‘Oh thank god you’re alright, Anne!’ The voice made everything come back, and soon enough, I was in Brian’s arms on the floor. I was still shaking. I looked up at him. As soon as our eyes met, I burst into tears. Why did I say those awful things? I missed him so much. How could he have done this to me? ‘Anne, please. Just listen to me, okay?’ I sniffled again. ‘Look, I know this isn’t easy for you at all. And I am the biggest fucking asshole for ever putting you through this, I know. So please, no more fistfights. I was 16, and I was stupid. It was music though, and you know how much it means to me.’ I looked up at him. The blow hit me as hard as I assumed the one about Brian being replaced did to him. It hurt. ‘You left me, for- for- a music career?’ I refrained from yelling. I was mad, but moreso I was hurt. I couldn’t believe it. He always told me I was the most important thing in the world to him. ‘You, you, you told me you’d be right back. You p-p-promised.’ My lower lip quivered. My head throbbed from crying so much. ‘I know Anne. I was so stupid. I was young and rebellious. The only thing I could think of was getting away. You know dad would never let me skip out on college to be in some ba-.’ ‘What are Mom and Dad even going to think now, Bri?! It’s been two years! What am I even supposed to do now? I’m living practically 2 split lives! I can’t ask you to come live with us, when you’re living your dreams and making it big, but you can’t ask me to live with you! I have Brian back at home, and- and- an-’ ‘Shh shh shh. Anne, it’s okay. Please don’t worry. You have every right to be mad at me. But please. We’ll figure things out, okay? And even if you hate me for the rest of your life, I’ll never leave you ever again. And this time, I promise for real. I love you, Anne.’ At this point my head was in his lap as I was sprawled out on the ground. I heard him sigh when I didn’t respond. ‘Hey Bri?’ I whispered. ‘Yeah?’ he asked back. ‘I didn’t mean what I said. About you, you being replaced…’ my voice faded off. ‘I know Anne. It’s okay. I deserve every bit of shit you have to say about me ever.’ For a minute, we just sat there silently, with nothing but the sound of our inhaling and exhaling, and our chests rising and falling. Now, I was nearly fully asleep. But before I did, I whispered more quietly than ever, ‘..I love you too.’

-k,.

 I was shaking and my heart was racing as I wrote this. sorry if you hate it. it just came to mind as the biggest twist ever. feel free to go change your pants now.

scandal. be warned.

Almost two years have passed since that night, two years that I would never take back, two years that I lived with no regrets. Brian and I were still together, and by now I could barely spend more than an hour without seeing him or hearing his voice. Sorry if that’s grossly mushy to you, but that’s how it goes. So get over it. I’ll walk you through some of the highlights.

Freshman Year, February.
By now, me and Brian’s parents knew what was going on. Actually, we told them right after homecoming. I figured honesty was the best policy when I came home dripping wet that night. To my surprise, my mom was happy for me, and my dad didn’t kill Brian when he came over for dinner the next week. Our parents had become good friends, so it all worked out well.

Anyways, every February our highschool has a talent competition, and the audience gets to pick the winner. Kind of a spin-off of American Idol. Brian begged and pleaded with me to do it with him starting in December. He knew it would take that long, mainly because he had to get me over my fear of performing in front of people, and my insane modesty when I told him that I sucked at singing and no one wanted to hear me. Eventually, I had to give into his pleading, because his pouting was adorable and starting to get on my nerves.

We decided on playing a cover of A Rocket to the Moon, a band that Brian introduced me to and I fell head over heels for. We covered If Only They Knew, a song that I loved from the first time I heard the first line.

We practiced a lot, not that Brian really needed to. But I just didn’t want to go onstage and make a fool of myself. By the time the show came around, I could’ve played the song lefty, with my arms behind my back. So as expected, we went out there and nailed it, as much as you can nail a song played acoustically, and won the competition. I was so excited, and yet, sad. That was always something I had planned to do with my brother. I knew he’d be proud of me, though. That night, I had put my guitar in it’s stand instead of the case, and when I was in bed, I heard the strings being strung, ever so quietly. I got up to close the window, thinking the wind must’ve made them sound, but it was closed. I think my brother was with me there the whole time.

Spring Break Freshman Year.
I spent it in Chicago, staying with Jane. We had so much fun, went to a few shows. She and Andrew were still together, and they were adorable. We went to the beach- even though it wasn’t that warm, Navy Pier, the Sears Tower, Milenium Park and shopped on the Magnificient Mile. It was as if nothing had ever changed for a week, except that I was living in my best friend’s house, and I couldn’t go a second without thinking about Brian. There are a lot of stories I could tell from my time back in Chicago, but they were mostly ’ You had to be there’ stories.

Summer Before Sophmore Year, July.
A Rocket to the Moon was in town, playing at a local venue with a few other bands for an acoustic bash. So, of course, Brian and I were there, along with the rest of our friends, and it was a blast. Even though the venue was small, there were a ton of people there. We got there just before they played, so as expected, we were in the back. Being the shortest person ever to grace the planet, I couldn’t see a thing. Brian noticed my slight disappointment, and though I tried to convince him that I would brake is skinny stature if I sat on his shoulders, he convinced me to sit up there anyways, and it was the best view ever. Just a perk of having a tall boyfriend.

I spent almost the whole set up there, until the announced they were going to play If Only They Knew. I couldn’t help but smile, and shook Brian’s hair when they started playing it. But just before the first verse, they stopped playing, and Halvo announced he had someone he wanted to bring on stage.

‘So, we have some pretty cool fans, and a lot of talented ones. At the end of February, we got a video of some really cool people covering this song. It was a girl and her boyfriend covering this song, and it was out of this world. The boyfriend sent in the video, saying how much his girl loved our band, and this song, and the passion she had for music in general. Anyways, what he wrote was so sweet, we feel the need to bring them up for this song.’

I was confused. How many other couples cover this song. Brian gripped my leg, and the thought hit me- Halvo was talking about US.

‘So, are Brian Walker and Anne Breyer here tonight?’

Aileen screamed, jumping up and down and pointing at us. Not that she really needed to, I knew they could see me, and I’m sure my expression said it all. Brian got me down from his shoulders, and led me to the stage. The same stage as Nick Santino, Justin Richards and ERIC HALVORSEN. I was a nervous reck. Halvo handed me his guitar, and Justin handed Brian his. I looked at Brian, on the verge of freaking out. He came closer to me, and bent down and kissed my forehead.

‘You know you’ve dreamt about this. So don’t be nervous. I’m right here with you.’ I smiled at him, and he smiled back, and just like that, my nerves were gone, and I sat on the stool Halvo was on, with Halvo behind me. We started the song, and I didn’t mess up, and it was the most fun I had ever had.

After the song, everyone screamed. They all loved it! Eric, Nick, and Justin told us that we were awesome, and they all gave me hugs. They told us we could sit on stage for their last two songs, so we did.

After the show a ton of people came up to us and told us how good we were. After a while, we had to leave. Brian’s parents drove us home, and he walked me to my door, and we were standing on the porch.

‘You did that?’ I asked.
‘Did what?’
‘Got us on stage. With A Rocket To The Moon. And got us to play. And told them all about me?’
‘Yeah.’
‘What did you tell them?’
‘That you’re the most amazing person, and that you deserved this more than anyome.’
I smiled. ‘But why did you do that?’
‘Like I said, you deserve it. And for other reasons.’
‘Other reasons? Like what?’
‘Like you’re gifted, and beautiful, and the world should know you. And you should be able to get what you want, and I just want to make you happy. And maybe because I love you…’
He spoke really fast, and was looking at the ground. But for the last reason, he looked me straight in the eyes. I was silent, speechless. After a moment of silence, Brian looked upset, and started talking again.
‘I’m sorry. I know we’re young. And maybe we don’t know anything about love. Maybe I should’nt have said that. I don’t want to move too fast, make you feel uncomfortable. God, why-’ He spoke fast again, but I cut him off, standing on my tip toes to kiss him.
When we pulled apart, he looked at me, confused. ‘Why’d you do that?’
‘Maybe because I love you, too. I don’t care if we’re too young, I think this is real.’
Brian lifted me up and spun me around. When he put me down, his mom honked from the car.
‘Okay, you go home, mister. Don’t make your parents wait much longer.’ I was still beaming.
‘Fineeeeee. Even though I don’t want to. Goodnight.’ He kissed me quickly, and started walking away.

Sophmore Year.
Was a blast. Again, a lot of stories. Too many that I can’t decide what to tell you about, so I’ll just skip to summer.

Summer before Junior Year, June.
It was my birthday and my parents were out of town. They told me I could have some people over for my birthday. Aileen, Pat, Emma, Jake, and, of course, Brian were over for a mini sweet-sixteen gathering. We watched movies, played apples to apples, and sat around and talked. Everyone got there at 11am, and everyone except Brian left around 11pm because their parents wanted them home. Brians parents were on the trip with mine, and Zane was home with Brian, but he didn’t care what time Brian came home at, really.

So it was just me and Brian in my house, and we were in my room. Brian pulled my guitar out of it’s case, and out of no where I was hit with a wave of sadness. Today was my sweet-sixteen, but the person I had planned to spend it with wasn’t here with me. Brian, my brother that is, and I had planned to go and get my license together, and he had promised to take me to all of his secret spots he had found in the city that he loved on my birthday, too. I knew this was a day he wanted to share with me so badly, but he couldn’t. It was also two years ago, today, that he had died, and here my I was, a thousand miles away crying over the last thing he had ever given me, my guitar. Brian, my boyfriend, was holding me tight as I began to sob. He knew what this was about, too.

‘Anne, baby, it’s okay. Don’t cry.’
‘It’s…not…okay…he…promised…he’dbehere.’ I spoke between sobs.
‘I know. I know. But it’s not his fault.’
‘That’s because…it’smine.’
‘NO! It’s especially not yours. Don’t EVER let yourself believe that. I can’t believe you still do.’
‘Then why…is he gone?’
‘I know this line sucks. But everything happens for a reason. As bad as it sounds, if that had never happened, we wouldn’t be here, would we?’
‘What do you mean?’ I asked. I was beginning to calm down.
‘If your brother had never been hit by that drunkee, you would have never moved here. We would have never met. These almost two years we’ve spent together wouldn’t have happened. I know I’m no replacement for your brother. I know if you were still in Chicago you’d find some great guy there, too. But that accident is what brought us together.’

I thought about that for a moment. I had never thought about things like that before. As much as I wanted my brother here with me, I could no longer imagine my life without my boyfriend just down the block. It was like Brian was sent to me because my brother was taken away. As if the universe was trying to make up for itself. My parents loved Brian as if they were his own. He was a make-up gift for the whole family. I smiled a little, still sniffling.

‘There’s the smile I love.’ Brian said, kissing my forehead.
‘I love you so much Bri.’
‘I love you too, Anne.’ He smiled at me, and then bent down to kiss me. It started off tender and slow, as if he was trying not to break me. But soon our kiss became more intense, and before I knew it our shirts were off, and we were on my bed. Brian started kissing my neck, and my hands were tangled in his hair. This wasn’t the first time something like this had happened, but it never got much further than this. I had never wanted it to. But now maybe I did. I knew I loved him enough. And I knew he loved me just the same. But did he want it too? Brian was whispering in my ear.
‘I love you.’ he said.
‘I love you, too.’
Brian propped himself up, and looked me in my eyes. He looked nervous, but he smiled at me. Then he leaned in again.
‘I want you so bad,’ he sang, ‘can you feel it, too?’
Kelsey-Metro Station. Sure that wasn’t the best band, but that line said it all. He looked at me again, and I nodded. I knew what he was talking about.
‘Are you sure?’ he asked, after kissing me again.
‘More than anything.’
We took what remained of our clothes off, and climbed under my sheets.

I woke up the next morning with my one and only next to me, the happiest I had been in my whole life.

-g. i hope this is scandalous enough for you, ak. ;)

So I had some new friends now. Friends who of course, at the end of October, forced me to go to homecoming. Even though I liked the idea of dressing up and feeling pretty, I never really liked dances. Especially now. Who wanted extra attention with the situation that I was in? It had been at least 3 weeks since the whole cafteria incident with Britney, but that wasn’t to say that she still wasn’t a bitch about it. In fact, she got worse. She told everyone about how I backstabbed her, even though it was quite the opposite. Oh well, I had the people that I needed, and although Britney was quite an influential source, no one in their right mind believed much of what she had to say. It was quite clear to most people that Britney was totally head over heels for Brian, and she was desperate to get her way, as always. Sounded like your typical cliche highschool situation, huh?

Anyways, so it was homecoming night, and Aileen was over helping me get ready. She was already set in her purple dress and her hair was straightened perfectly. I on the other hand, was sitting on a stool in my bedroom as she worked on curling my hair and I tried with total effort to talk her out of making me go. ‘C’mon Aileen. You  know- well, obviously you don’t know that this isn’t my thing. Please? The tags are still on my dress. I can totally return it! I’ll just chill on the couch for 2 hours or however long this thing is, then you guys can come back here after for a bonfire or something.’ ‘Anne, you’re goi-’ ‘Roof campouts are always fun. You haven’t even had a roof campout with us yet, Ai. We’ll plan on that. But right now, I’ve got a Spongebob marathon calling my name. Lat-’ I started to get up from the stool, but Aileen grabbed my shoulder and pulled me back down. ‘Anne! I’ll take you up on your roof campout offer another time! But tonight you’re going to go to your first dance here, and you’re going to have a good time!’ I laughed a fake laugh.The funny thing was that she was totally serious. ‘Ai, why do I even have to go?!’ I whined. ‘Hmm, let’s see. Uh, maybe because I don’t care if the dress is returnable. It’s hot. You’re hot. You have to wear it. 2, I already spent way too much time doing your stupid hair, and 3, you already told Brian you’d go with him! Obviouslyyy.’ I sighed. She was right. At least about numbers 2 and 3. I had been stuck in this chair for at least 2 hours, and I did tell Brian I would go…What else was I supposed to say though when he asked me? No?! Nope. I couldn’t. Then we’d be back in circles again. Not exactly what I wanted. At all. Stupid oreo question game. I really, really needed to stop agreeing to play it. It left me in situations like this.

An hour and a half and a buttload of compliments later, I was in my red dress and at the dance, along with Aileen and Pat who were going together as friends, Jake and Emma, and then of course, Brian. Not far into the dance, I was already begging to leave. I was too embarrassed to dance, and I really did not want to get grinded on. Britney and her friends seemed to be all over that, though. ‘Brian, can we pleaaase leave?’ I begged for the 429th time. ‘Oh c’mon, Anne. You aren’t having fun? We haven’t even danced yet!’ Okay, Mr. Guilt factor. But really, I didn’t want to dance at all. ‘Please?’ I asked in a more serious tone. ‘Alright Anne. Just a few more songs?’ I agreed and decided to compromise, then I headed over to get something to drink. I wasn’t even gone for a minute, but I came back to find Britney. And yeah, you guessed it. All over Brian. She was in a hot pink dress that was evidently 2 sizes too small; she also evidently was not used to not getting what she wanted. ‘Hey Anne!’ he called, as he waved me over closer, and I picked up my speed. ‘Let’s get out of here,’ he said looking Britney in the face as he grabbed my hand and pulled me out of the school, running.

‘Grab your bathing suit,’ Brian said when we were back in front of my house. ‘Brian, it’s roughly 40 degrees out. I’m preeetty sure anything bathing suit related is out of the question.’ ‘Just go get dressed, okay?’ ‘Errhh, alright?’ I dashed upstairs and slunk out of the red dress. Finally, I thought to myself. I scrambled through my dresser drawers to find my bathing suit. It was worn through from heavy beach going with my brother during summers passed. I hadn’t grown in three years, so you can imagine how worn it was. Not even thinking, I just grabbed a towel and wrapped it around myself. No clothes, Anne?  Apparently not. Where my mind was, I had no idea. ‘Let’s go,’ he said, as I shut the front door and we headed towards his house.

If you’re smarter than I am, then maybe you realized that we’d probably end up in a hot tub, which we did. Apparently Brian’s family had one in their back yard, and I had just never taken notice to it before. Maybe it was the light from the bonfire, maybe it was the moon and stars above us, maybe it was the fact that no one was around; but for some reason, things got a little out of hand, and for some reason, I didn’t really mind it. But woahwoahwoah, hold up there and keep your mind out of the gutter. Keep in mind that this ‘out of hand’ is coming from a girl whose brother is basically the only boy she ever loved prior to this, okay? At this point, full on making out in a hottub with no one around was as far as my definition of ‘out of hand’ was going to go, but it was obvious that we weren’t going to be alone for long.

‘Dayummm Brian! Finally getting some action, eh?’ Someone called out, and Brian and I immediately pulled away from eachother. Much to my reilef, at least, it wasn’t either of our parents. Well, obviously, based on what he said, but from what I could assume, it was actually Zane. I was proved right when Brian hopped out of the hottub and said, ‘Oh shut up, Zane.’ ‘Sorrry, Bri. You’re my little brother. I’ve gotta mess with you. It’s in the job contract.’ ‘Dude, you weren’t supposed to be home from college for another 2 weeks!’ ‘I know, I know. But things just worked out. I have my ways. And I’d give you a hug or something man, but you’re soaking wet. And I think you were kind of in the middle of something…?’ ‘Uhhhh…,’ Brian started. He was probably blushing; I knew I sure as hell was. ‘Well, this is A-,’ he started again. ‘Anne. Right?’ Zane finished the sentence for him. ‘Uhh yeah,’ I responded, shyly. ‘Look, Brian, I’ll let you and your brother have your moment. I should probably get going anyways…It was nice to meet you though, Zane. Bye, Bri.’ And with that I was off heading home, trying as quick as I could to think of an excuse for the reason why I was coming home at 11:30. In the end of October. Dressed in a soaking wet bathing suit and towel.

-k,.

scandal,. for ak, of course.

I must say, I was quite satisfied with Britneys expression. It would be a face that I’d always remember. I tried my best to surpress laughter til we got to the table, and when we got there, I let it out.

‘Brian! Did you see her face? That was PRICELESS!’ I half whispered.
He shook his head and smiled, ‘It was bound to happen. She’s gotta know where we stand.’ He was laughing a bit too, though. As we sat down, I noticed Jake was at our table, along with a few other people I didn’t recognize.

‘Anne, this is Jake. And that’s his twin sister, Aileen, and our friend Pat. Errbodayy, this is Anne.’ I smiled at the people sitting across from me. They seemed chill. I liked it.

‘Hey girl!’ Aileen said. Pat nodded towards me, a mouth full of macaroni. Jake gave me a  hi five. ‘We’ve heard a lot about you.’ Aileen said. ‘You’re as gorgeous as Brian said you were,’ said Aileen. Brian shot her a glare, and Aileen stuck out her tongue. I laughed, and looked at Brian. ‘It’s true…’ he sighed, ‘I can’t keep my mouth shut about your beauty.’ I smiled, and he wrapped his arm around my waist. Pat and Jake shot eachother looks, and then did the puking motion. Aileen pushed Jake. ‘Stop it, you know they’re cute.’ ‘Cant lie about that one,’ Pat said.

We talked all of lunch period. We had pretty much the same taste in music, and quite the same humor. We agreed on a lot of things, and the things we disagreed on made it so much more fun to argue. Aileen was an artist, Pat skated, and Jake was into filming/photography. It was a pretty cool group, and I got along with everyone. I hoped they liked me as much as I liked them. 

At the end of lunch I had to scarf my cold food down. Aileen, Jake, and Pat made their way towards their lockers, and Brian walked me to my next class.
‘So, you like everyone?’
‘Yeah, they’re awesome! They remind me a lot of Jane and Andrew. Who are a couple now, if you didn’t catch that.’ I was kind of hyper, and my mouth was blabbing.
‘No worries babe, I definitely caught that. I’m glad you all got along. I can tell the adore you. Especially Aileen. She’s been wanting another girl to hang around with.’
‘What about Emma? Does she hang around with you?’
‘Yeah, but she’s gone alot. She figureskates amazingly, and travels all the time for it.’
‘That’s cool. Well, you have to make it on time for your next class. You should go.’
Brian pouted. ‘Awee, but I don’t wannaaaa…’
‘But you have to. For me?’
‘Fine, but only because you want me to.’ Brian smiled down at me, and I stood on my tiptoes to give him a quick kiss goodbye.
‘Bye babe,’ he said.
‘Byeeee’

Made new friends. Successful lunch..

-g. yay for new friends!

Now that the drama was over with, I was 100% perfectly content with my surroundings. I had my three favorite people, smore’s, and a bonfire, which soon changed to my three favorite people, my roof, and pints of ice cream. Jane and Andrew brought basically a boxload of it back from Chicago, from our favorite ice cream place. We used to always go there after school and buy ice cream to eat back at our apartment, or just whenever we felt like it. And you guessed it, we also used to go there with Brian. So in a way, it was kind of sort of like old times. Not the same, but good enough given the circumstances. Actually, perfect, given the circumstances. I was back in Brian’s zipup, and we sat next to eachother with my comforter covering us from the waste down. I noticed as Jane kept eyeing me as Brian and I shared a pint of Fudge Ripple ice cream. I rolled my eyes until I noticed something. Were Jane and Andrew- sharing ice cream too? As in, two spoons, my best friends, and one pint of Blue Moon ice cream? And were they holding hands under that blanket over there? I shot a look back at Jane that was blank and confused. ‘Uhhh, Janie, can I talk to you for a second? In my room?’ She looked puzzled, but came with nonetheless. ‘Mind telling me what is going on over there?’ I think that she noted the hurt tone in my voice. We always told eachother everything. I told her about Brian, even with her miles and miles away. Being left out of the loop on her end, well, it stung. ‘Oh, uhh yeah. That…Look Anne, I wanted to tell you. I just thought that you’d laugh or something. Or be mad. You know, with…’ Jane was referring to the fact that if I was still in Chicago, maybe it’d be me with Andrew, instead of her. We always had a pretty deep friendship, but it was basically just a brother/sister sort of deal. Then again I was pretty sure Andrew was feeling something more than that before I left…But it didn’t matter now. Everything was okay. I was fine with the way things had worked out, other than moving, even though if I ever saw Jane and Andrew like full on making out or something, I’d likely just maybe throw up a bit. Okay, dramatic, but still. ‘It’s alright, I guess,’ I said. ‘Anne, c’mon. I really am sorry. Really. I promise I won’t leave you out of the loop ever again, okay?’ ‘Alright,’ I said, and smiled as we hugged it out. ‘But c’mon, Anne. We’ve got two cute guys out there waiting for us, okay?’ We both laughed as we climbed through the window back out onto the roof. It appeared as if Brian and Andrew had bonded while we were gone. We talked for the rest of the night, and eventually the 4 of us fell asleep on the roof, under blankets and the stars.

As disappointing as it was, the weekend sped by. We didn’t do much other than talk and catch up and walk around town a bit, other than the fact that Jane had me take her everywhere that anything had occured between me and Brian, and retell her the whole story. There were hugs and tears as I went to the airport with them to say goodbye before they left. Who knew when I would see them again? I hoped an opportunity would come up where I could go back home and spend a weekend with them, but I highly, highly doubted it.

On Tuesday, things went by as usual, up until lunch. What the hell was I supposed to do now? Obviously not sit with Britney and the prep squad. ‘Over here, Anne!’ Britney snickered. I paused in front of their table. Just in time, Brian came along side me. ‘Hey Anne,’ he said. ‘I grabbed us seats over there, okay?’ And then right in front of everyone there- Britney, the rest of the bitch posse, he kissed me. It was the perfect ‘Screw you’ that I was trying to accomplish. And it worked. Because as we walked back towards our spot in the lunch room, Britney’s jaw was at floor level.

-k,. mediocre and bland. sorry.

I composed myself in the bathroom as quickly as possible. When the redness around my eyes was gone, and I could go more than a minute without sniffing, I took out my phone and texted Jane. ‘Apparently the boy’s a straight up hustler. I can’t deal with this anymore.’ She texted me back almost right away, ‘Oh jeez. Well, hold out for a few more days. Andrew and I will be here this weekend, remember? Love you girl, and if he comes near you again, bite his arm off. I’ll call later to hear the full story.’ I exited the bathroom in the most composed way possible, grabbed lunch and sat in a corner of the lunchroom. I put my iPod on when I was done eating and closed my eyes. At some point, Brian came and sat next to me. I pretended I didn’t notice, and kept my eyes closed. He started talking. I was able to hear him over my music. ‘Anne, what’s up with you?’ he asked, putting his hand on my shoulder. I didn’t respond. ‘What did I do?’ Again, no response from me. ‘Was it something I did, even? Something I said?’ After a few minutes of silence, Brian got up. ‘Anne, talk to me. Aknowledge me, at leaste. Please.’ God, he sounded so desperate. When I did nothing, again, I heard him sigh, and walk away. I opened my eyes just in time to see him walk away, slowly, and sulky. Even though I felt like I gave him what he deserved, I also felt like it was wrong. I was beginning to have my doubts about what Britney had said. I spent the rest of my day avoiding Brian, and took a different way home from school so he wouldn’t be able to follow me. I did my homework, and called Jane, told her everything. ‘God, Anne. This girl sounds like a bitch. Are you sure it’s true?’ She asked. ‘Pretty sure. I mean, how else would she come up with all the lines he used on me? And I’ve never done anything to her. So why would she do that?’ ‘I don’t know Anne. But, do you really trust her more than you trust Brian?’ I paused for a moment. ‘I dunno. But how would she know. How the fuck else would she know? It makes complete sense.’ ‘It does. Well, tell me how tomorrow goes. I’m flying in Friday, so I should be there when you get home from school. I hope you can last one more day?’ ‘Yeahh, I guess. Andrew’s coming too, right?’ ‘Yes Ma’am.’ ‘Okay, can’t wait to see you both.’ I ate dinner, showered and went to bed, because there wasn’t much else I felt like doing. The next day, I went to school in sweatpants and a hoodie. Not much else I felt like wearing. When I got to English, there was a note on my desk. No doubt from Brian. I got up and threw it away. I still didn’t want to hear what he had to say. Or read it, for that matter. Class started. I didn’t even bother to look over at him. It was like a complete de ja vu. It’s just a freaking never ending circle with this boy. Well, now it’s ending, I guess. At the end of class, I walked out of the room as fast as possible. I felt a hand on my shoulder, and it pulled me back a little. I turned around, and it was Brian. I just stared. My eyes, ice cold, stared straight into the world of pain coming from his. ‘Anne. Pleeeeeeeeeease. Just tell me what I did. I thought this was what you DIDN’T want.’ ‘You know, Brian. Maybe when you reuse lines on girls, you should use them on girls who have no chance of talking to eachother.’ So that didn’t really make sense, but it was effective. I turned and walked away from him. A few seconds later, Britney, and posse, caught up with me. ‘Anne, I just saw what happened. Let me tell you, I am so proud of you that you were able to stand up for yourself there.’ ‘Uh, thanks..? I guess.’ ‘You’re welcome’ she said briskly. ‘How about you sit with us at lunch? We have an extra seat.’ I agreed. It must have been a site to see, me in my sweats and messy pony next to 5 clones of perfectly dressed, preppy chicks. I sat through a half hour of clothes, rap, and party gossip. Whenever they tried to include me, they gave me weird looks at what I told them. I played guitar. I read for fun sometimes. I like bands that aren’t on the radio. blahblahblah. It meant nothing to them. So why was I there? At one point, I saw Brian walk by, his jaw dropped. He gave me the most confused look ever, and I just shrugged it off and pretended to be engaged in conversation. After school, I made it home in record time. It was sort of nice out, so I decided to do homework on my roof. When I was all set up, I heard voices in the distance. I looked down, and saw Brian and some cute chick walking by. Wait, what the fuck? They were having a good time. Laughing, she was leaning on him. Oh my god. He was over me. He had another girl going home with him. I looked back down at my papers, and pretended to do homework. I could still see them on the sidewalk. As Brian walked by, he looked up at me. I pretended not to notice. Friday at school went the same as far as avoiding Brian and sitting with Britney. Except I could barely contain my excitement that Jane and Andrew would be there when I got home. When the final bell rang, I ran as fast as possible, and burst through the door at home. There, on my staircase waiting were my two best friends. Jane and I screamed, hugged, jumped up and down while Andrew plugged his ears. Then he came and gave me the biggest bear-hug ever. When we settled down, Jane and I filled Andrew in on everything that was going on. I hadn’t talked to him in a while because his phone broke. And his computer. Lucky him. ‘I’m going to punch this Brian kid in the balls.’ he said, after the hour it took to tell him everything. ‘Haha, okay. Thanks A.’ ‘Anytime. Though it might be kind of hard. It doesn’t seem like he has any.’ ‘Overused joke,’ Jane said. Andrew punched her in the arm, playfully. ‘God, didn’t your mom ever tell you not to hit a girl!’ ‘Nope,’ he said, hitting her again. I laughed at them. I can’t believe I had gone this long without seeing them. Outside, the sun was beginning to set. I wanted a fire. Now. ‘Lets go make a fire on my front porch! I have s’mores stuff.’ ‘YESS!’ Andrew said, picking me up and hauling me to the kitchen. I got everything out, called my dad down, and went outside. My dad got the fire started in no time, and Jane, Andrew, and I had the best time making a mess out of marshmallows and chocolate. I didn’t notice the bike that had stopped at the end of my driveway. But I did notice when it’s rider sneezed while walking towards me. I recognized the zip up he was wearing, and froze. I tensed up. My eyes widened. Jane saw what I was looking at. ‘That’s him, isn’t it?’ jane asked. I nodded. ‘I’m gonna go beat him up.’ Andrew said, standing up. I pulled him back down. ‘No, I can handle this.’ I got up, and made my way towards Brian. ‘What are you doing here?’ I asked. ‘What do you think?’ ‘You came here to mess with me again?’ I was getting angry. ‘Mess with you? Anne, what are you talking about?’ ‘You know what I’m talking about. Your lines?’ ‘What lines?’ ‘Yeah. You have lines. I know you’ve used the beauty and charm thing before. And the mom’s cookies. I’ve heard all about your sick little games.’ ‘From who?’ ‘Britney. She told me how you two were together. She told me the player you are. How dare you do this to me?’ I was screaming now. ‘How dare you think I could be played like that! Did you really think I was that naive?!’ I started slapping his arms. ‘I trusted you, I believed that you liked me!! That I wasn’t some object of your sypathy. That we had something. BUT I GUESS I WAS WRONG.’ ‘I SAW YOU TAKING SOME ONE ELSE HOME WITH YOU TODAY. SOME GIRL. SO DONT EVEN TELL ME YOU’RE NOT THE PLAYER I’VE HEARD YOU ARE!’ I was crying now. And crying hard. Brian put his hands on either side of my face after a moment, which made me stop flailing. He looked straight into my eyes, and kissed me. My mind was screaming to push him away, and i wanted to, I really did. But my heart wouldn’t let me. I couldn’t. But Brian pulled away. ‘Anne, Britney is a lying bitch. She’s only jealous of you because she’s asked me out like 7 times, AND I SAID NO. I don’t know how she knew about what I had said in that note. But BELIEVE ME, I had NEVER, EVER said that to anyone else, but you. And that girl I walked home with? That’s my friend Emma. She comes home with me on fridays because my mom teaches her piano. She’s basically my sister. I’m sorry you believed that girl. I should have told you about her.’ I stood there, stunned. I felt so, so, guilty. I began to cry again. ‘I am so so sorry!’ I said, falling into his arms. He rocked me back and forth, stroking my hair. ‘Anne, baby, it’s okay. I know it’s hard for you to trust people. Just know that you can trust me, okay?’ He tilted my chin so I’d look up at him. I nodded. ‘Good. Now, Anne. I know we’ve had our problems. A lot of problems. But I want you to be my girlfriend, my one and only. This is me officially asking, I guess.’ I sniffed, calming down. I smiled big, and nodded again. I was still in his arms. He leaned down a little, and kissed me. After a minute or so, I pulled away. ‘C’mon, there’s some people I want you to meet.’ Brian grabbed my hand, and I ran him up to the porch. ‘That’s Jane, and Andrew. My best friends.’ ‘You two are better than a movie!’ Jane said. ‘Mess with her again, and I beat you to a pulp.’ Andrew glared at him. ‘Andrew!’ ‘But til then, you’re cool. Have a s’more.’ Andrew smiled his, I was joking smile, and pointed towards the fire. Brian and I sat down, and he listened as we told him stories from Chicago. -g. this is an epic.

I tossed my phone onto the space on my bed next to me and hugged the zipup close to my chest. I sighed, but it was a good sigh. I couldn’t believe how surreal all of this was. In less than a week and a half, I’d be surrounded by likely my 3 favorite people in the whole wide world. Jane and Andrew, my two bestfriends, and now Brian, my boyfriend? No, Anne. You don’t know that yet. …but you’ve kissed multiple times. And those cute little notes? Maybe. Yeah. It sure does sound like a relationship. But let’s not get too over our heads here. I slid into a pair of skinny jeans and a purple vneck. I chose not to even bother with my hair. For once, I had achieved a decent form of bedhead; if that wasn’t a total oxymoron in itself and achieving ‘decent bedhead’ was actually possible. I looked back at the zipup, sitting in a lumpy pile on my newly made bed. Did I dare to wear it to school? I pondered this one over in my head.

As soon as I walked into english class, people stopped talking. Damn. Flash back to the beginning of the year much? I walked back to my desk, blushing all the way there I’d presume. Was all of this really over the jacket? Obviously Brian’s black zipup was a bigger icon than I thought. Feeling a little uncomfortable, I started to shrug it off my shoulders to give it back to Brian. Although I loved the whole concept of wearing it, my intentions were to give it back right away in the first place. ‘Here,’ I whispered, as I passed it back to Brian. I could feel the eyes of classmates burning a hole in me. They were obviously watching my every move. Was it just me, or was Brian more popular than I thought? Sure, he wasn’t a nerd or a loner or anything. But earlier he had mentioned something about shallow girls, so I guess I had just assumed that he strayed away from this type of crowd. ‘Nahh, you keep it for awhile,’ he whispered back with a smile. I kind of wanted to melt inside just a little bit, but the fact that we had an all too aware audience put a cap on my reactions just a little bit. ‘You sure?’ I asked. ‘Definitely.’ ‘Alright, well here’s this, at least,’ I said, passing him a note as subtly as possible. I initially had a plan of writing some sort of cute note, but I obviously wasn’t good at that stuff. He was the little mushy adorable note writer, not me, so I just left it plain and simple. Briaaaan, so I kinda have a pretty neat surprise for you. For next weekend. If you’re not busy, let me know if you’re down. I crossed my fingers that he wasn’t going away anywhere for Columbus Day weekend. I really wanted him to meet Jane and Andrew. I had a feeling that they’d get along really well. A splitsecond later, a note to reply was back on my desk. First there was all the running off. Then there was the random spastic backyard kiss. Any more surprises, Anne, and I might just have a heart attack. I rolled my eyes. Hardy har har. You’re so hilarious. Was all that I wrote down to respond. Obviously. But on an honest and serious note, yes. I’m down. I smiled back at him and kind of twirled one of my bedhead curls around my finger. Probably not such a good idea, with all the people around us. I really didn’t want all of this attention, even though I was curious as to why I was suddenly center spotlight.

‘Anne wait up!’ I heard someone call out after class. ‘Wait, your name is Anne, right?’ A girl questioned as I turned around. ‘Uhh, yeah?’ ‘Hi, I’m Britney. And this is Ashley. And Katelyn. And Paige.’ She said pointing to the girls swarmed around her. Inside, I kind of groaned. I had a feeling that these girls were the ones Brian had warned me about before. I had known who they were, but had just chosen not to really associate with them. But on the otherhand, had I really associated with anyone other than Brian? Maybe it’d be nice to give these girls a chance. You know, make some more friends and not be too judgmental? It’s not like Jane and Andrew would be able to see me every single weekend. In fact, it was probably costing their parents a fortune to fly or drive or whatever them out here all the way to Maryland this one time. ‘Hi,’ I said, stopping my tangled mess of thinking and trying not to sound 100% rude. Apparently, these girls were all also in my lunch, because they followed me into the lunch line as Britney began to talk. ‘Sooo, you and Brian, huh?’ ‘What do you mean?’ I asked. I wasn’t stupid. I basically knew what she was notioning towards. But maybe this would get something out of her about why I was all of sudden the center of attention. Would these girls be talking to me otherwise? ‘Oh, you know Anne. I mean, it’s quite obvious. Especially, with, you know…’ she said, twirling one of the zipup strings around her finger. ‘Oh, uh, this? Yeah, well we’re just friends.’ I guess that was the best way to put it without getting into a mess. No need to bring up anything about a relationship if Brian wasn’t thinking the same thing, right? ‘Look Anne, you seem like a really nice girl,’ she said, in likely one of the most fake voices I have ever heard. ‘Yeah, and?’ I asked, again not trying to sound rude. ‘I just don’t want you to get hurt. See, I know that you’re new around here. So you obviously just met Brian, and obviously don’t know his ways. I’ve known the kid since, what was it? kindergarten? And I really don’t think you should get involved with this,’ she said, reaching for a fruitcup. ‘I really, really don’t think he’s like that at all, Britney.’ I wasn’t sure whether to believe what she said or not. ‘Oh, no girls,’ she started again, and her little posse got interested. ‘He’s already got her wrapped around his finger. So oblivious to what’s next…’ They all widened their eyes and gaped in agreeal. I tried to say something in his defense, but she cut me off before I had the chance. ‘Anne, trust me on this one. I’ve already been there.’ ‘You mean, you and Brian?’ I couldn’t believe it. Brian. and her? ‘Mhmm. It just breaks my heart to tell you, but it’ll be over soon. I bet he’s already used some line like, beauty and charm? or something about how you’re so ‘different’? Or some stupid cheesy line about “mom’s cookies”?’ I didn’t want to believe it before, but how couldn’t I when they knew some of the main lines from our previous notes? Some of the lines that had made me light up inside the most? Britney must have noted the expression on my face. ‘I’m so sorry Anne. But if it’s gone that far already, there’s really not much time left. Apparently Katelyn even overheard him saying something to his friend Jake - you know him right? He’s from english too. - about this being some whole charity case too…new girl, feeling bad for you. You know guys. All they want is action. And this is just like Bri-’ She paused, likely because I was already sprinting away from the cafeteria. I saw Brian ahead of me, doing some sort of handshake with Jake. Really Anne? How could you be so stupid? Thinking a boy actually liked you? With the handshake, it all made sense now. Brian really must’ve said those things. ‘Anne!’ he said in an extremely happy tone as his face lit up when he saw me walking briskly towards him. It was the type of reaction that would have also likely made me melt inside, if I wasn’t a huge mess of upset and anger and disappointment all wrapped into one. But that wasn’t the case. ‘Oh just save it, Brian. And just forget about next weekend,’ I said, shoving the zipup into his hands and running off to the bathroom. After all, who really wants to cry in front of the whole highschool cafeteria?

-k,.

so dramatic; but i guess that’s highschool for you? sorrrry.

I woke up in my bed the next morning, which made me think everything that happened last night was only a dream. It wouldn’t surprise me, really. Something that nice was definitely something I’d dream up. I had something cuddled up next to me, and looked to see what it was. It was Brian’s zip up. I smiled down at it- my proof that last night was real.

I decided to call Jane, and when she answered “It’s about time!” (angrily, of course) I realized that I had forgotten to call her after school. Therefore I told her my entire story, from my impromptu kiss to last night, and she loved every minute of it.
‘Anne, this is like something straight out of a movie. Or a really good book.’ were her exact thoughts about it. 
We talked for a little while longer about random things, and at the end of the conversation, she had some news for me.

‘Anne, I almost forgot to tell you. Last night your parents called me and Andrew’s. They invited he and I over for Columbus break, and we get to stay over!’ I could tell she was bouncing off the walls with this news. But, so was I.
‘What?! NO WAYY. I’m so excitedd!!!’ I got serious. ‘I miss you guys so much. You don’t even know.’
‘Yes we do girlll. we feel the same way.’
We sighed, simultaneously. [author’s note: I can’t spell]
We said our goodbyes, Jane saying how excited she was for me and Brian and to see me.

-g. short, because i feel like it.

When I got back home, I was even more out of breath than the day before. Sure, 4 periods had passed since the whole lunchroom scene, but my heart was still racing and practically beating out of my chest. I dropped my backpack at my bedroom door, and arms spread wide, collapsed backwards onto my bed and sighed. It was a good sigh though. For the first day since I had met Brian, I wasn’t confused. Well, slightly as to what was next, but this type of feeling I was alright with. I hadn’t completely messed up everything this time. In fact, had I messed things up at all? This was completely surprising to me. I decided to grab my guitar and hit up the roof to play some kind of an upbeat song to keep me in a good mood.

‘Please don’t tell me that I’m dreaming, when all I ever wanted was to dream another sunset with you. If I roll over when it’s over, I’ll take this Cali sunrise with me, and wake up with the fondest memories.’

I once again became lost and stuck inside one of my constant guitar playing modes; the ones where I get so into everything that I just keep playing and playing and lose track of time, and before I know it 5 hours have passed, remember? I watched as the clouds passed across the sky, and the sun began to go down. I glanced at my phone; 9:02. Yup, definitely one of those modes. I repositioned my guitar and was just about to start to play when I heard a voice from down below on the ground.

‘Mind if I join you?’ Alright, alright. This time it was Brian. So of course, as soon as I looked down and saw that it was him, I couldn’t help but smile. He was in his skinny jeans and his little zipup again, just like the first day I had met him, and he had his guitar on his back. I cleared the expression off of my face, and tried to look as serious as possible. ‘Uhh, yes, actually.’ I responded, attempting to be sarcastic yet believable. ‘Wellllll,’ he began. ‘I did bring oreos…’ Shit. Oreos=weakness. And it wasn’t all that bad of a thing that the oreos were in the hands of a cute boy.  ’Alright, come on up,’ I answered, smiling and rolling my eyes.

He came up, and pulled his guitar out of its case. Then he pulled out a huge brown paper bag, stuffed to the top. I assumed that’s where the oreos were, and practically dove headfirst to get my hands on them. Inside was a mountain of regular and mint oreos. I quickly reached inside and stuffed a regular one into my mouth while Brian quickly was tuning his guitar by ear. ‘Hey!’ he said, as he snatched the bag away from me. ‘Sorry. I kind of have a thing for oreos?’ I said, with my mouth full, likely spewing crumbs through the air in the process. Boy, was I classy. ‘Really? I couldn’t tell,’ he said as he chuckled to himself. ‘No but seriously,’ he started up again. ‘I kind of had this idea.’ ‘Oh yeah?’ I questioned curiously, brushing the crumbs off of my hands. ‘Don’t laugh though, okay?’ ‘Alright, go for it.’

He told me his plan, and so there we were. Sitting on my roof as the sun went down, taking turns pulling oreos out of the bag. If a white one was pulled, he got to ask me a question. About anything. If a mint one, his favorite- just like my brother’s…, was pulled, I got to ask him a question. About anything. 2 hours and that bag full of 64 oreos later, we had talked about everything from my brother to his family, from favorite things to least favorite things. It was kind of really nice to have someone there to talk to, without any pressure or the mixed feelings of before.

By now it was 11:30, and my guitar was back inside; instead a pillow and my comforter had taken it’s place on the roof. I shivered as I pulled the covers closer to me. Apparently me being cold was more obvious than I thought, and so sure enough, Brian ended up taking off his zipup and handing it over to me. I smiled at the thought of the fact that I had a whole closet full of hoodies 15 feet away from me that I could have easily accessed, but he had given me his anyways. I slowly drifted off to sleep as Brian played his guitar. It was likely the most peaceful, serene thing that I had experienced in awhile.

Before I drifted off to sleep, I had learned so many things that night. Brian’s favorite color was navy. He loved sweet tarts. His brother was his best friend too. He loved the winter. He started playing guitar when he was 9. He had too many pictures and things on the walls in his room. But most importantly to me, he couldn’t exactly describe how he felt that one day after I had kissed him. The only thing that I didn’t know was the lyrics that were running through his head as he played his guitar and watched me fade in and out of consciousness.

‘Oh, Dakota
I know our love is new
I barely know ya
I’ve fallen over you
It’s the way you do the things you do
That made me fall in love with you
Dakota, are you in love with me too?’

By this time I was barely awake, but before Brian left, I heard him say something. ‘Hey Anne,’ he whispered. ‘We missed an oreo. A white one. You know what that means.’ I fluttered my eyes open a little. ‘Go ahead,’ I mumbled back.

THere was a pause, likely as he paused to contemplate what to ask me. ‘Can I kiss you again?’ he finally asked. I didn’t need to be fully awake for that phrase to register in my mind. ‘Mhmm,’ I murmured back.

-k,.

I got into the house, out of breath and out of my mind. My dad was in the living room.
‘What just happened, kiddo? Why are you out of breath?’
‘Janie just called. She had some good news.’
‘About what?’
‘Errrr, can’t tell you yet… bye!’
I ran up to my room. I started pacing. I couldn’t believe what just happened. What I just did. When did I get balls? My heart was still pounding. I jumped on my bed and layed on my back, facing the ceiling. I took my phone out of my pocket, and texted Jane.
‘I kissed him.’ I sent. Then I turned my phone off. I changed into PJs, and layed down again. As I was beginning to fall down, all the possible consequences of what I had just done rushed into my head. What if he thinks I’m a freak? Ha, too late for that. What if he doesn’t talk to me? Oh wait, already happened. What if he avoids me forever? I guess I’ll just have to face it. Nothing really would change, if his reaction was negative. But what if he liked it? What if it was what he wanted? What if HE kissed ME?  I’d be okay with that. I’d be happy. I smiled to myself, with a glimpse of hope I hadn’t really had since I moved here.
***
When I woke up the next morning and turned on my phone, I had a ton of texts from Jane asking what happened, why I wasn’t answering, did he kill me, etc. I texted her saying that I’d call her after school. I showered, did my hair and make-up and actually bothered to look cute. Skinny jeans, Nikes, V-neck. That was my go-to outfit for cuteness. Anyway, I ate breakfast fast, and was out the door.

I didn’t see Brian at all on my walk over. Didn’t see him before the first hour bell rang. Not that I usually did, but I have before. It seemed like forever before English rolled around. When I walked into the room, Brian was in the front of the room talking to the teacher. His back was turned to me, so I proceeded casually to my desk. On it was a guitar pick. And a note.

Anne-
You dropped this last night. Figured you’d might want it back.
-Brian.

THAT WAS IT?! Nothing about what I did. Nothing? Just an explanation for the guitar pick on my desk. Wow, that was cool of him. I sighed, and layed my head down on my desk. I didn’t know how to feel. Hurt? Did I really expect him to make something of this? Well, I sure as hell figured he’d want an explanation. I guess not.

I felt a tap on my back. I sat up, to see Brian standing over me.
‘You have half the period to explain yourself, by the way.’
He smiled (was that a good thing?) and sat back down. Class was starting.

I took out my notebook, and wrote him a note explaining everything. My realizations. How I knew what I wanted now. How I knew I had been a bitch. That it was my way of protecting myself from being hurt. All of the inner workings of my mind. Exactly half way through the period, I dropped my pencil, intentionally, and it rolled towards Brian. I reached down to grab it from him and gave him the note. I half smiled at him, hopeful. He nodded, and we returned to our ‘i’m paying attention’ poses. I decided to actually take notes to keep myself preoccupied. At the end of the period, Brian gave me his note. He smiled at me, and told me to find him at lunch, and to save the note for then. I didn’t know we had the same lunch, but I guess we did.

Brian was right at the entrance of the lunchroom when I got there. I brought my lunch that day.
‘How’d you know we had the same lunch? I never see you in here when I am.’
‘Yeah, I liked to keep it that way.’
‘So you were watching me, I presume?’
‘I like to call it monitoring your actions from a distance.’ He tried to keep a straight face, but failed and began to laugh. I began to laugh, too. We found a spot, and Brian went into the lunch line, and told me to start reading. So I did.

Anne, you are probably one of the most difficult people to figure out. How often do you change your mind? You’re so fucking indecisive, I can barely stand it. Well, that’s an exageration, but you get the point. You’re full of surprises. You’re unpredictable. How am I supposed to keep up?

I didn’t like where this note was going. Brian was back now, and I looked up at him, puzzled, and hurt. He nodded towards the paper and told me to keep going.

Your indecisive, unpredictable self drives me crazy. Your beauty, your charm, your strength makes me fall for you. As much as you’ve confused and pissed me off in the past, it’s not enough to keep me away from you. I didn’t know how I’d be able to for much longer. But you, last night, showed me that I wouldn’t have to. I just wish I would have had time to realize what was going on. So I would have had time to call you back to me last night. So I could do this (this is where you look up at me)

There was nothing left in the note. So I did what he told me to, and looked at Brian, puzzled. He moved closer to me, and tilted my chin towards his.
And just like that, he kissed me. In the middle of a highschool cafeteria, he kissed me. And I kissed back. And it was perfect.

-g.